September 4, 2007

By nature, I tend to view things in a nostalgic light. Throughout my life, I have often felt swarmed by this-IMG_4384will-never-ever-be-this-way-again moments. Firsts and lasts float by and I chase them like butterflies; part of me wanting to catch them and hold them captive, part of me wanting to cheer for their freedom. As a mother, watching Noe move through firsts and lasts on a daily basis, I fear this nostalgiancholy will only get worse.

I took Noe to her first full day of day-care today and was once again hyper-aware that this was a “first.” A baby step on a lifelong journey that will continue to take Noe further and further from me. It seems silly, really, that being away from her eight hours instead of the usual five should seem like such a big deal when we waited MONTHS to bring her home. ButIMG_4388 it does.

I know this isn’t a unique phenomenon. I know I’m not the first, or the millionth, mother to feel this. And in fact, I’ve been drawing comfort from the tales of my fellow moms and mom bloggers all morning. But truth be told, I’m having a hard time keeping my mind on anything but Noe today (although I am working on a rocking entry for Wine Blogging Wednesday . . . stay tuned). So rather than fight it, I’m just going to share this moment with you all and show you how much my beautiful little butterfly has grown.



26 Responses to “Nostalgiancholy”

  1. I’ve been that way my whole life, too. Whenever I’m on vacation or visiting family, I can’t help but feel like my time with them is just slipping away–only 3 days left, only 2 hours left. Like my life is passing me by and I just wish I could grab it, but it doesn’t stop.

    Thanks for participating!

  2. […] Nostalgiancholy by swirlingnotions […]

  3. Jo Says:

    So beautiful: Firsts and lasts float by and I chase them like butterflies; part of me wanting to catch them and hold them captive, part of me wanting to cheer for their freedom.

    Like you I am obsessed by nostalgia. I think it is what makes life endurable. I really enjoyed your piece. Oh, and thanks for stopping by.

  4. Robin Says:

    Nostalgiancholy – that really just sums it up perfectly. Tell you what, you bring the bottle, I’ll clear off all the crap that my kids have left all over the island, and we’ll settle in for a good long talk.

    With that magnificent smile I’m sure your daughter will be charming the socks off of everyone she meets in daycare today.

  5. Shawn Says:

    Lovely post. I recall that first day of day care … you’re handling it MUCH better than I did, I assure you. Your girl is gorgeous!

  6. bloginmyeye Says:

    Great title.

  7. Summer Says:

    She’s such a cutie! Nice post!

  8. C'tina Says:

    What a story! I had to click on the link from when you brought her home, (and had to LOL at your cocker spaniel comment…they are nice dogs…but give me a ridgeback anytime!) You’ve hit the nail on the head with the name Nostalgiancholy–for years I had what I’d call, “I miss him even though he’s right here, all the time!!’ with my first son, and he was home with me all. the. time…it was like I couldn’t just enjoy the moments, because I was so worried about him growing up…I didn’t want him to stay little forever I just didn’t want him to grow up so fast. He’s in 5th grade now and I’m ok…once in a while I think, “He’s over half way to 18” and I panic….oh I’m no help except that, I had the terrible missing him feeling, although he was RIGHT THERE…like I couldn’t get enough of him. Wow, poor kids gonna have issues….lol

  9. boogiemum Says:

    She is so sweet!
    First, last and all the in betweens are constantly being photographed in my mind. I am worried I will forget something and I want to remember it all…

  10. lia Says:

    Howdy Mamas! So good to see you all here. I’m feeling much more chipper today (although Noe and I are both about to go get blood tests . . . so check back with me in about an hour).

    I have to admit, I was a bit worried people would post comments like, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, get a grip Lia.” So thank you for reassuring me that I’m not the only one who suffers from nostalgiancholy!


  11. jenuinejen Says:

    I love your blog, Lia. I, too, am constantly thinking about how quickly my children are growing and how much I will miss them when they are grown. Often it is a struggle not to think about the future and to instead be in the moment.

  12. […] Nostalgiancholy by swirlingnotions […]

  13. Neena Says:

    Letting go is the hardest part. Every day my children evolve and grow – and while I enjoy the person that they have become, I miss the person that they once were.

  14. Deb Says:

    Oh yes, all of the ‘firsts’ and ‘lasts’ – I probably pay way more attention to those than I should! Great post! 🙂

  15. Ursula Says:

    Firstly-what a beautiful addition to your family! Noe is precious.

    I dread the day I have to drop my son off anywhere and we can’t be together for the day-it just makes me cherish these days so much more.

    I love your blog-and I’m jealous of your career! How cool!

  16. Kate Says:

    She may go a great distance, but she will never be far from a mother like you.

  17. lia Says:

    OK . . . you guys are making me cry now . . .

  18. […] city friends. I woke up bummed that I wouldn’t see them tonight, what with this being the big “day care” week, but I had to smile when I saw Christopher’s note on the kitchen […]

  19. childlife Says:

    Beautiful post Lia! That first paragraph was so lovely – you just perfectly captured the simultaneous longing to both cling to and let go of each moment. Very touching!

  20. […] Nostalgiancholy by swirlingnotions […]

  21. titus2woman Says:

    What a BEAUTIFUL BABY! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  22. lia Says:

    Thanks Sandi! She is 🙂

  23. […] I picked the last bunch and felt a nostalgic pang for the bonanza that was no more. I was all excited about cooking the braised dish in the […]

  24. Cornelius Says:

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